his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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