I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
