I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
