Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
