HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
