I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The power of my boobs compel you
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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