I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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