i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
