just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My dick has a subreddit
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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