garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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