There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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