Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
