I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
