someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
