Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
