At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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