4 words: hood of his car
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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