so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
