I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Randomize
