i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
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Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize