you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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