My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
