I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
