the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
