I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Operation Purity has been aborted
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
