NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Pants are for mortals
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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