how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
