I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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