Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
