i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
