corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The Olympian is in my bed
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
