I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Come on in and take your pants off
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