My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
