Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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