Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
