The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
