i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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