This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
