The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I could make wine with my vomit
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
