Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
