He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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