If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
