who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
