you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
