Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
