is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
