Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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