you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
