her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
