I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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