omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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