My Higher Power is John Stamos
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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