Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
