Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
