I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he was CRYING into my vagina
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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