Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
