First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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