Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
