He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
