Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
