i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Randomize
