so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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