ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
