His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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