Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
