sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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